Triggers... Sounds like chiggers.

Yesterday I talked to my sister and of course we talked about mom and the whole damn family.
How Bri is a lesbian and wants to sit the whole family down and talk to us.
How mom acknowledged that her choices in New York hurt Summer and she should have just respected her and how it was good for her to hear that.
How Summer is going to therapy to try to figure all this out and what her "boundaries" are.
And many other "hows."
I don't like talking about my family. I think I still have some unresolved beef with them. I love everyone in my family but I don't want to try to figure them out or talk about them. Let them be who they are. I don't want to be a huge part of my family. They are important to me and once again I love them dearly but I really have no desire to be super close to them.
I also realized after getting off the phone with my sister how talking about my family sends me spiralling down a bad road. Rather quickly. I didn't have a lot to say while talking to her because all I can really think about when she talks is "why don't you just let this go? what else is there to figure out?" So I don't talk because I don't have much to say. I don't know what she wants from the family. So, I think I just get frustrated and so I let everything go back to a place that I hate and is so hard to get out of.
All of my thoughts are so demeaning, I don't want anyone in my life, if someone comes home I usually decide to go to bed, I won't go near my bible because I'm scared. I want to read my bible, I'll carry it with me everywhere hoping that I'll find the guts to open it but usually don't. Frick. It just sucks. Everything that hurts, hurts tens times as much. So how do I pull myself out of this hole and decide not to get back in it when I actually have to accept my family for who they are and let myself love them the way Christ does? Not sure but we'll find out.
Ummm... I like adventure but not always this kind.
It was nice talking to you.

Umm... I came across this verse in a post that I never published because I wanted to think about this verse more. Funny when trails are left.

      Romans 5:3-5
"More than that, we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us."