Sunday Mornin'

Well... it's Sunday morning... well 10:30. Not exactly morning but it'll work. Anyways, woke up and decided I should come here and blog a little, kind of like journaling I guess. I'm excited(ish) for church today. I might be able to see Sue and I think that'll help. I'm not exactly following Jesus right now and the thing that sucks is I know why. Well it's not that I'm not following Him at all it's just been a weird past couple of months. I like being here and drinking tea it makes me feel kind of normal, except for the conversation going on behind me... it's kind of weird. The girl 3 seats to me left has lips like Angelina Jolie... that's weird too. A really tall girl just hugged a really short girl. I need to leave for church. So, I think I'll come back after church.

peace out.

-Sauce-

later...
So, church was good. Kind of one of those sermons where everything that was said was very relevant to my life. Today I've super been struggling with not being dependent on people. I feel let down by a friend simply because they did not text back but I also know I expect a lot of him and so many of my securities are dependent on how he responds to me. Which sucks because I know that he is not the one to fulfill me and I need Christ more than ever right now but I am not calling out to Him but to the other him. It all seemed to spiral downward so fast. It was as if one breath I'm trusting Christ and yet with the next I couldn't even muster His name. This morning Pastor Whipple asked what we were scared of? I think I'm scared of being let down by Him, scared to put Him first and let Him down maybe. I know I want to be able to call on Him not only in the bad but especially in the good. I have these desires but nothing ever comes of them. It's as if something is there that's in the way and I just can't seem to get it. For some reason I can't put Christ first. I love Him and desire Him, you would think that would be enough to keep fighting. I'm definitely scared to keep fighting and receive nothing in the end. Maybe that's because sometimes I do fight for something and it gets thrown back in my face as if I'd messed up and I'm just told well you really just shouldn't of done that and now you know. With my parents I feel as if I will never be enough. I know I'll never make enough money to please them and God help me if I ever decide to get married. Okay, now this is getting silly...