Working Late.

The babies are asleep and Hunter is watching TV.
Sugar was put down today. She had cancer and wasn't doing to well. I was hoping they would wait until I left to put her down but it was definitely time. She was struggling. Either way it still is a bummer. This last week of work has been all kinds of emotional. I mean a lot has happened. Last night I went to my parents and I always know that when I go there it will either be kind of dramatic or really good :) So I went to spend the night because I'll be in Indy soon and know I won't be able to see them as much. Either way, my mom is really struggling with some stuff so it really felt like I was back in high school. Except… a little different because I'm not 15 anymore. Anyways, I haven't been to stressed out about everything. The only thing that makes me squirm is the thought of continuing to talk to people about this and being honest about what's going on. It's easy to text someone once and say "please be praying about this" but to continue to go to your friends and talk to them because that's the healthy thing to do… I'm not so sure about that. I realized that this is what needs to happen when a friend of mine was having a huge breakdown the other night and while she was crying she said "I didn't realize how emotionally screwed up I was until I had people to hold me while I cried and let me cry and then prayed with me about everything."
It was good to hear her say that. She has a great relationship with the Lord and always has.
Either way, I know I'm pretty emotionally messed up and I'm not saying I need to have the same experience she did. I realized though that she let her guard down and let herself show emotions and was allowed to then work through other things and was just able to feel. This is hard for me. I get awkward. I avoid it because I don't know what to say and no one really knows the situation or really understands it and I don't want someone to pity me or think badly of my parents. Well… okay… I actually don't know why I get so awkward about talking about it… I mean those are good excuses but also I think it's hard for me to be open and honest and then just let them love me. Being vulnerable usually leaves me feeling… scared and empty. Huh.
I have to go… the babies are tearing shit up… I can hear them.