Hi.

Rainy weather is good but I need to learn to cope when it's dreary for a couple of days. I usually turn into this introverted sloth that watches life slip away and then when I wake up I'm so bummed. I also need a better sleep schedule on the weekends :) 

Anyways, I've been reading through the gospels and it's been good. It's funny because it's made me question my faith a lot. Just kind of wondering why I believe this or if I really do or if I ever have but as I read it I realize nothing will ever make me believe in God. He's basically stuck in my heart and I can't unstick Him, even if I tried. It's kind of funny to be in this place but good. Because I realized that if I believe in God then I believe what the gospels say and ultimately I want to live for Christ. 

Ummm... as I was reading this book today by Brennan Manning I came across this quote that says "Let's not be afraid to look at everything that has brought us to where we are now and trust that we will soon see it in the guiding hand of a loving God."

As I look back on all that has happened in the last year or so, I find that I'm frustrated, humiliated, and just confused. I know I've let that blind me, I think I've let a lot blind me. I'm not saying I all of the sudden can see but I guess I just wanted to point out that it's obvious God is working and all that has happened will somehow glorify Him and bring me closer to Him.

So I just took a quick break and went to the bathroom and came to the conclusion that I have to memorize scripture. One thing that is keeping me away from God is that fact that His scripture is not near me at all times and that important. I know I've said this before and well sadly I will possibly fail at this but maybe one day I'll get it right and I can truly live in a way that is glorifying to Christ. maybe.