Today I am Thankful.

Thankful that God has had enough grace to bring me to this point and that the Holy Spirit continues to work and open my eyes to things.

For so long I have fought to call my self a christian and yet fought even harder to live another way. Trying and trying to make my god conform to me. Trying to find myself in this world yet avoiding the fact that Christ says we find ourselves in Him and also to lay down our old self and take up His cross. 

I have more to say but I need to go to work so maybe later...

me

Do you ever wonder...

How you can sit in church and pray and pray and pray that this week would be different and then even before the sermon is over your mind is already set on the week ahead and your begging prayers forgotten?
I don't know why but every Sunday I sit in church, crycrycry and then almost refuse to follow Christ through out the week.
I feel kinda crazy right now...

This World.

Sometimes I get overwhelmed when I hear there has been another earthquake and tens of thousands of people are dead. Not overwhelmed like what can I do but overwhelmed like "How much more can happen before this all just becomes the norm and people stop responding?" I don't think will stop responding all together but when the tsunami in Japan happened everyone jumped on it and helped, raised money all that but lately I've been realizing that big things happen very often and people need help ALL THE TIME... sometimes growing up sucks.

Self Care.

Let us talk about this notion.
Self Care.
Last week I met with a friend to talk about some things and as I was leaving she kept saying to me "self care, self care, self care."
I thought it was simple enough. I take care of myself everyday.
Almost a week later and I'm realizing I do not take care of myself everyday. Self care is actually more than waking up 10 minutes late, brushing your teeth, awkwardly smiling at yourself in the mirror trying to reassure yourself that you do actually look good, running to the barn to do chores knowing I won't eat until around 2ish and won't leave the barn until around 10pm. That's how I take care of myself... basically by running myself into the ground.
Honestly I don't see it as running myself into the ground at the time. I love (understatement) my job and do not mind working 14 hour days. I don't always work that long but this last week the lady that normally does morning chores was sick so I took on her hours.
Either way, I was thinking this morning a lot about the importance of taking care of yourself because well... in order to not let other down even if you are attempting to not let others down by not putting yourself first, you will eventually get to a point where you just can't do it anymore. So... I definitely have not reached the "I can't do it" point but I have reached the "Is God in this anymore" point.
That's the biggest uh-oh of not taking care of yourself. Or of me not taking care of myself. God and everything gets thrown out the window.
So... how do we change this?
Seems like it could be simple but I think it will be a hit or miss kind of thing.
I've never been the kind of girl to wake up early to put on makeup and actually make myself look good for the day and I think I'm going to start there.
Seems silly, I know but I've actually always wanted to be that girl that wakes up and cares about what she looks like because well.. the first thing you've done with your day is take of yourself... I think...
I'll let your know how this goes.
If you have any self care ideas let me know.

State Fair.

Yesterday was my birthday and I decided that after I got morning chores done and went to church I wanted to go to the fair. So I did and it was probably the best time I've had in a long time. I saw part of a sheep show, a kid playing with his trucks in the dirt in his wranglers and cowboy boots, swine auction, more men in wranglers and cowboy boots and hats than I've seen in a long time (one of the best parts of the day), some lambs, puppy for sale :) which in turn made me want a puppy. I saw all kinds of great things. It makes me miss the days of showing. Those were long days but fun and worth it :)

I'm usually absolutely sure...

that God just wants the worst for me all the time.
It's not true of course but how do you change such thinking?
Read your bible and get truth in your brain... I hate when I ask questions and then almost immediately I know the answer but I swear I didn't know the answer yesterday when I was asking myself the same question.

Something I really struggle with...

Is always believing that I must deal with things alone. It's a lie I have believed and learned to live with for many, many years. The honest truth is I (we) do not deal with life alone.
I was reading in my last post about how things will happen and then I might talk about them with friends but when it comes down to it I'm still alone right?
Well... technically yes I am physically alone in dealing with family, friends and other crap but truthfully and in Christ I am not alone. So yes it might be a little physically lonely BUT I can still be thankful that I have friends to pray with and that are praying for me and friends that I can trust to lead me towards Christ. That is such a blessing that many people do not have.
I wanted to write this because I finally see it... I'm not alone and I have people that will stick out this thing called life with me.